I Wish You Had Seen Me Too

I wish people had seen me first, not just the newborn.

Yes, this is a new human — full of life, fresh into this world, so fragile.

Of course they need all the help and support to thrive and survive.

But so did I. And nobody saw that.

I wish I had not heard, “You are a burden. There is always an issue with you.”

I wish no one had said, “Please dress better, cover yourself, stop exposing yourself.”

But wait, I was in my own bedroom, in my own home.

What was I doing wrong?

I was trying to learn how to be a mother.

Without help.

Without knowing I needed help.

Without knowing where to even find it.

I did not know about the mums’ groups or the Facebook threads.

And even if I had posted about how I was really feeling —

Would a few replies have calmed me?

Or made me feel more overwhelmed?

My body was healing.

My hormones were raging.

I felt like everything was breaking apart

And the world kept spinning on, without me.

It felt like I did not matter anymore.

Only this little child mattered now.

There were dinners. Laughter. Outings I was not invited to.

Not because I did not want to go, but because I did not feel welcome.

Was this new mother version of me too much?

Too raw? Too honest? Too triggering?

I wish someone had said:

“I’m here for you. Nothing will shock me. Nothing will make me run away.

I’m here to hold you when you are breaking open.

I will hold you so tight and I will only let go when you tell me to.

Because your depth, your emotions — they do not scare me.

No question is off-limits. There is no such thing as TMI.

Tell me everything.”